As a parent, it’s natural to want to help your child stay on top of their schoolwork. But instead of acting as their "executive function brain," the goal is to support them in developing these skills for themselves.
In this post, you’ll find simple strategies to shift responsibility to your child while still providing the right level of support.
Why It’s Hard to Step Back
Many parents struggle to shift responsibility to their child because they want to ensure their success. It’s natural to want to help, but stepping in too much can unintentionally prevent kids from developing the skills they need to manage their own.
The Primary Challenge: It Feels Easier (and Faster) to Just Do It for Them
Additional Reasons Parents Struggle to Step Back:
When time is short and stress is high, doing things yourself—packing their backpack, reminding them of deadlines, or checking their homework—feels like the quickest way to ensure they succeed.
Worry about grades and school performance – You want them to do well, and it’s hard to watch them struggle.
Frustration when they forget things – It’s easier to remind them than to deal with missing assignments or last-minute chaos.
Desire to avoid conflict – Nagging and power struggles over homework and organization can be exhausting.
The Good News
Despite these challenges, there’s a way forward. With the right approach, you can gradually shift responsibility to your child while still offering the support they need. I’ll walk you through practical steps to overcome these obstacles and help your child build the skills to succeed independently.
The Benefits of Shifting Responsibility
When you guide rather than take over, your child learns to:
Develop independence – They become more capable of managing their own responsibilities.
Build confidence – Each small success reinforces their belief in their abilities.
Strengthen problem-solving skills – Instead of relying on reminders, they learn how to think ahead and plan.
Reduce frustration and conflict – Less nagging means a more positive parent-child relationship.
How to Shift Responsibility to Your Child With 5 Action Steps
1. Ask, "How can I help?"
Instead of taking over, offer targeted support.
Example: "Would it help if I read the instructions out loud while you decide how to start?"
2. Let them do the thinking—while you assist physically
They decide where things go; you provide hands-on help.
Example: "I’ll hold the papers while you decide where each one goes."
Why? This keeps them engaged while reducing overwhelm.
3. Ask open-ended questions to spark problem-solving
Instead of: “Did you put your math homework in your backpack?”
Try: “What classes do you have tomorrow?” or “When is your math homework due?”
Why? This builds planning and decision-making skills.
4. Build routines for consistency
Simple habits lead to more independence.
Pack up homework before dinner each night.
Use a checklist for what to put in the backpack.
5. Celebrate progress
Recognize small wins to build confidence!
"I noticed you checked your folders before packing—great job!"
"You remembered your math book today—awesome work!"
Take Action Today
Helping your child develop executive function skills takes patience, but the long-term benefits are worth it. By shifting responsibility gradually, you’re empowering them to become more independent, confident, and capable. Small changes today will set them up for success in school and beyond!
To encourage independence, try these simple shifts:
Offer support, not control – Ask, "How can I help?"
Let them think while you assist – They decide; you help organize.
Ask open-ended questions – Encourage problem-solving.
Create a consistent routine – Build habits that stick.
Celebrate small wins – Recognize progress.
Which strategy will you try first? Let me know in the comments!
Need More Support?
Want personalized strategies to help your child stay organized and independent?
We offer 1:1 coaching to help students build executive function skills, reduce overwhelm, and take charge of their responsibilities.
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About the Author
Carly Harary | Executive Function Coach | M.Ed.
Carly is a certified Executive Function Coach with an M.Ed. from Lesley University and over a decade of experience in education. She is an active member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and CHADD, passionate about helping individuals develop EF skills and reach their goals.